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How gorgeous is this flower? I just loved the color! 

If interested in the rest of the photos I took today, please visit my other blog at Kinky Space.

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In The Beginning

*sniffle* Today is my baby girl’s 2nd birthday. As I write this, I was already in the OR, and they were attempting to get my blood pressure normalized so they could stick a needle in my back, gut me like a fish and bring that beautiful girl out on the day she shares with Dale Earnhardt (I was a big fan, so I really was thrilled when they gave me the date of the surgery!).

My pregnancy had been hard, and I was (obviously) scared. The night before had been one of the scariest I’ve ever had, because I really honestly didn’t know if I’d be coming home. I gave my hubby & mom the rundown on where everything was – bank accounts, important papers, bills, keys. In the morning, I got up, showered and got ready to go. My son, 6 at the time, was in a weird mood too. I know he sensed how big this was. It just about killed me that I could possibly be leaving him for good, and it was terrifying.

I’d already done my paperwork at the hospital, so it all went quite smoothly. Well, except for the nurse with the iv. lol it poured out all over the floor. and o m G did that catheter hurt. But eventually, I was wheeled into the OR and met the most AWESOME anesthesiologist. She was SO awesome. She talked to me , calmed me, LISTENED To Me. Walked me through the spinal (actually stood there and hugged me, not just “braced” me. Then, she got hubby and brought his terrified form in so he could be there too. My doctors (both of my OBs did the surgery) came in, and talked and whatnot… and then, I heard the doctor announce the time. I thought “ummm ok” and then they said “It’s a Girl!”. I didn’t even know they had cut me!

They brought her out and over to the lil french fry warmer and she was NOT very happy. lol She screamed, and then stopped -which scared the hell out of me. But she was fine, and they brought her to me. Hubby & I were crying, and the nurses mistook this joy as that we REALLY wanted a girl. No. We just REALLY wanted her to be OK. See, I was 36 when she was born. I was OVERWEIGHT when she was born. I had gestational diabetes. I felt like I was a mess. She , though, was perfect. This picture is one of my most favorite pictures. It’s not particularly the best picture ever. … but see, when my son was born, I missed it all. I SO didn’t want to miss this one, this time. And I didn’t.

And now, she’s sleeping 4 feet away and will miss her official “birthday” of 7:54 am , April 29. That’s ok cuz she’s going to have an awesome birthday weekend. Her nana & uncle are coming up to see her and celebrate with her, and the 6 of us will party and celebrate the miracle of her. Her daddy named her, mostly because when he came up with the name and told it to me, it was so right, so fitting, that I could not remember any of the other names I’d picked.

So, Happy Birthday Miss Liberty Ann Justice K********. We love you!

Timing is everything

It’s amazing how timing can either make or break your day.

I woke up with a migraine yesterday. That is to say, the migraine woke me up. It sucks to wake up in pain. So, I go down and make the coffee that makes me sick (the non-dairy thing) and turn on the ol’ computer, so I can say hello to hubby when he gets to work. I get an off-line IM from my best friend informing me that she & her kids won’t be making it to my baby girl’s birthday party this weekend. She & her kids were the only ones left (other than my family members) who were coming , of the people I’d invited. To say this pissed me off is an understatement. But added in with my migraine, my head went into overdrive and stayed that way for hours. I’ve never had such a migraine that made me sick to my stomach. This one did. My daughter, just sitting with me an dtouching my face, made me ill. It was a BAD BAD DAY. It stayed that way, too. Nothing I did would get rid of the headache. It finally started to subside when hubby came home from work. That’s a long day of nothing but blinding pain and this whole PISSED OFF thing about my friend blowing me off yet again. I wrote a very nice, loving blog entry about hubby – blogger ate it. I did it again. Blogger ate it AGAIN. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So, today has GOT to be better, right? Tomorrow, my baby girl, my miracle baby, turns 2. She’s such a treasure, even if “that” age is here. lol Her brother, who is 8-1/2, acts like another parent, which, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty cool. Yeah, it’s annoying when he parents her when I’M STANDING RIGHT THERE, but it’s a LOT better than him not caring at all. She’s learning to talk and count… listening to her count, it just blows me away. I have homeschooled my son for years now, teaching him how to read & write, addition, subtraction… and all the OTHER things. But now to see HER getting in on the act too… well… that’s just AWESOME.

I wanted them to have a clean, safe place to grow up, so we moved away from the city. That took us 4 hours away from any and all family (mine). So we don’t get to see them very often. My mom, though, came up when I was to have her and then again last year for my son’s birthday.

Grrrrr – something’s going on with this damned site – it ate half my post before I could post it.

So to explain – my friend is in michigan with her kids, visiting her boyfriend/master/whatever and was supposed to be home this week. Her mother, though, apparently surprised her by paying to extend her tickets so they could stay longer. So technically, it’s not her fault. It doesn’t stop it from HURTING, though… and if she does read this, oh well. I guess when she moves in a couple of months, none of it will matter anyways.

I hate it when people mess with my kids, and I made the BIG mistake of telling my son that she was coming. He really likes her and her kids. And I used to not tell him anything, so that way if things changed, I wouldn’t have to disappoint him. Well, I guess I’d better go back to that habit, because damned if it doesn’t happen way too much.

Anyways, I don’t even remember now what the hell else I’d written not 10 minutes ago so I guess I’ll just close for now. Sigh. This day has GOT to be better than yesterday, right? sheesh.

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I was inspired by angelbrat and fiddled around with a photoshop brush that I found today – isn’t it delicious?!

grumble grumble roar

Ok, I’ve composed two or three posts and blogger ate them, so this is a test of the emergency blogging system. This is only a test.

Catharsis

I went to dinner with a new-ish friend on Sunday night. She had originally contacted me for info on our lifestyle group and we’ve been friendly. I gave her her first “mini” scene. I brought her to her first party. She’s definitely a bottom, not a sub, and she’s finding her way through this crazy world of terms and activities. In any case, in the course of our dinner, I told her about this blogging thing… and in that, I think it finally came to my why it’s quickly become an obsession.

My best friend – one of maybe 2 people in the world that I trust with everything, including my children – is moving away in a couple of months. It’s hurting on many levels, and I’m being selfish, I know. So we haven’t been talking as much. Then, another friend of mine, whom I talk with ALOT, has undertaken alot of new responsibilities at work, so she is virtually never online. This has left me with all this STUFF inside my head that was building… building… I was pissy, miserable… then I started blogging. It’s helped so much just to unload! Thanks again to everyone else who is sharing their lives with us. It’s been really helpful for me in such a short amount of time!

And by the way – I’ve added a few more blog links over there to the right – I hope you enjoy them as much as I do A slave’s heart is a personal friend of mine, a very sweet lady.

Rejection

My body has rejected the notion of dairy. For about 35 of my 38 years, I’ve been a happy moo-juicer. I LOVE milk. I don’t have coffee, I have coffee MILK. While I was pregnant, though, that was a problem – just couldn’t drink milk. That sucked. I was relegated to water, cuz soda & juice were out (gest. diabetes SUCKS). So then, after the baby, things went back to normal. Temporarily. Now, EVERYTHING is bothering me I have to use that powdery non-dairy crap in my coffee… but I’ve adapted, and it’s worked. Now, even THAT is bothering me. It annoys the hell out of me that my body does this to me. I’ve been miserable all day cuz of this. Of course, I didn’t put 2 + 2 together and ate mac & cheese w/dinner… but wtf. It wasn’t that much. And still.. I’m miserable… and pissed off at my body.

Then, google rejects me. Ok, they rejected my application for their ad-sense thingie. Adult content. Ok, but I got the idea from another blog who is most assuredly NOT rated PG. Picky picky picky.

Then, of course, I feel rejected by those people visiting here, reading my words and then leaving, without letting me know they were here. I NEED FEEDBACK, dammit LOL

Ok, I’m going to bed. Dunno if I’ll sleep, but hey, it’s worth a shot, I guess.

Announcing the Hot Blog Award!

I’ve decided to award the really hot blogs I find with a little award for their blog. Want to apply? Just comment here with your blog addy

~Me

What a surprise! NOT! LOL

What kind of spanko are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, the people that I’ve played with won’t be surprised by this LOL Here’s the text that goes along with it.

Extreme: You believe that spanking is about pain, punishment, and domination. For you, spanking is not about recreation or fun at all – at least not for the person receiving it. Instead, you see it as a serious deterrent for bad behavior. You are not overly concerned about crying and markings since these things are very temporary, but the message of submission and discipline is long lasting indeed. You are likely to be involved in or seeking a 24/7 Master/slave relationship.

angel’s Adventures

Here’s another D/s -related blog I found over the weekend.

angel’s Adventures

Yum