More updating

Home Schooling Evaluation:

well, thankfully, THAT’S over. My son officially has passed into 3rd grade. The evaluator has assured me that I haven’t screwed him up for life by deciding to homeschool. I really have no idea how long we’ll do this. I know I want to keep him from harm, and public school just screams that to me. Both emotionally, physically and intelluctually. So we’ll see. For now, he’s a very happy 8 year old and I’m a much relieved Mom.

New “Lifestyle” choices:

Yes, I’ve made a lifestyle choice. LOL I went low-carb. *gasps in the crowd* Yeah, I know.. it’s radical. But fuck-it – I needed to do something.

I’ve lost 16 lbs and 11 inches this month. I did it because I want this or this. I want it to look reasonably good

I am proud of myself, and will keep going until I’m confident that my hubby’s eyes will pop out of his head when I put one of those on

Coming out to My Mom:

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I spoke to my ‘bio’ father and that day, I spoke to my mother, to let her know what was going on. After his disappearing act when my grandmother died, my mother had finally written him off. But she was surprised to hear about his health, etc. We then discussed my uncle, her only sibling. He’d had a horrible car wreck a year ago, and it’s nearly impossible to think that he’s actually survived. I haven’t seen him, but when I’ve talked to him, I can hear the changes in him.

Anyways, we talked about how much things can change in just an instant. In both these men’s cases, their lives were going along, and then BAM, not so fine. Life’s too short, etc.

I don’t know why, but I felt it was finally time to tell her about My Other Life. If you do a google search for my name, there’s more than 600 references to it. Since I made the name UP, most of them relate to me and my lifestyle. I have designed a number of lifestyle websites, as well, so those come up too. Hell, posts I’ve made to Bondage.com message boards wind up in there. And this blog.

The last thing I wanted was someone ELSE telling my mother “oh, you won’t BELEIVE what I found on the internet last night!”

Now, I’ve always been careful about posting pictures of me or my family with any reference to the name I chose for this Lifestyle. But invariably, I finally started using this name on my IM’s because it was easier than remembering to switch over to talk to family. A couple of months ago, I was on IM with my sister in law, and she says “oh btw, I saw your profile on here”.

Uh Oh.

So, I said well, what did you think? She says “are all those your websites?”. I explained that no, some were ones I’d designed, others were just informational. She let it go at that, although we did discuss bondage and the wonderful effects of duct tape (I asked if that’s what’d happened to my brother’s hair – had she been practicing head bondage LOL).

She did assure me that she would never mention this to my mother. Phew.

My sister-in-law & I have been friends for 26 years. It hasn’t always been the BEST relationship, but I trust her.

In any case, my other siblings (other than her hubby) know about me. My dad knows about me. It was just my mom. I didn’t want her to find out the hard way (by being directed to this blog and havign her read my story LOL)

I decided to tell her. I said well, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. (Sidenote: ALL of us have said this to her at one point of another in our lives. I have 3 siblings and we’ve all dropped bombs on her LOL)

I told her that I participate in an alternative lifestyle. She asked what that meant, so I discussed it with her. That there dominants and submissives, that I was a dominant, etc. Explained to her that I just didn’t want her finding it out from someone else or by stumbling across something herself. So then I explained that I would be sending her an email with a URL with a great article that explained it better. This article really made me decide to tell her in the first place, and is actually “featuring” 2 of my scene friends.

So that was that. Earlier this week, I asked if her she’d read that site. She said yes, she had. I said ok, what did you think?… and she says “Well, I wasn’t impressed………… but I don’t have to be”.

Alrighty then!

Don’t say I didn’t warn ya, mom LOL

Sheesh. Parents are so difficult.

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The view from a park.

Is there a Doctah in the house? I say… Is there a Doctah in the house???

My children are driving me batty nutty INFUCKINGSANE!!!.

It’s 11am and it’s 81°, with a dewpoint of 70° and the humidity is 69%. When I first started writing this 10 min ago, it was 78° and 68% and 69° dewpoint. What does this mean?

IT’S OBNOXIOUS in my house. We own an air conditioner. Yes we do. We can even afford to buy a NEW air conditioner.

“What’s the problem then, Lady C?” you ask carefully, knowing you risk the wrath of a pissed off, sweaty woman.

The ASSHOLES who manage this place have decided that you cannot have an air conditioner without a DOCTOR’S note stating it’s a medical necessity.

I called my kids’ pediatrician today to beg. I said the kids are miserable, the baby’s got a heat rash. They can’t sleep. They’re barely eating.

Nurse Betty says “well, I really DOUBT they’d write one on the basis of that”. Ok, how about this, Nurse Betty? Either you tell themto write it OR I come and drop my miserable, pissy-ass children at YOUR house when you get out of work.

Of course, Nurse Betty most likely doesn’t live in a place with these stupid fucking rules, so therefore, they’d be HAPPY at her place.

I don’t have a doctor, so don’t ask.

I don’t have medical insurance, so that’s why I don’t have a doctor.

What happens if I cut off my left tit while operating dangerous machinery?

I’m tit-deficient.

Grumble fuckin grumble.

I’ve:
made breakfast
swept my floors
cleared the table & counter
washed the dishes
started dinner
fought with both of my children

My daughter likes to CLING to my leg when she’s whiny, and this rotten-ass weather makes her whiny – she clings while I’m washing the dishes. My son has ignored virtually every thing I’ve told him to do today, and tomorrow is his homeschooling evaluation – if he doesn’t pass, one of two things can/will happen. Either she makes him repeat 2nd grade, OR, she reports to the State that he’s not doing the work, and then the State can come knocking, telling us we HAVE to put him in school.

Neither situation is desirable, obviously. But he’s fought me every step of the way this year, and I really don’t know if he’s going ot pass her eval. She’s a nice woman, and very patient with the kids (that I’ve seen anyways), so I don’t know. She might be able to coax enough out of him that she sees that he HAS progressed, we just don’t have alot to show for it (paperwork) because he’s done alot on the computer.

Sigh.

So I’m going back to knock some sense into him (i.e. Let’s try THIS).

Summer sucks.

ouch

So do sunburns.

Catching up

So I mentioned that my life’s been rather “interesting”. Warning – this is long. Get a drink first.

I’ve known for a little while that my biological father (hereafter named “bio”) had had a series of (what was described as) small strokes a few months ago. I didn’t know how bad they were till about 10 days ago, though. Apparently, he can’t walk (not sure if it’s from the stroke), can’t eat anything that’s not ground up, and cannot talk. He can barely manage a whisper and you have to be right on top of him to hear it.

He’s also suffering from dementia. He’s had the tendency to (before the last stroke, anyways), walk off and get on a bus bound for somewhere, only to then get confused and wind up lost. So now he’s living in a rehab facility. His former “roommate” goes and sees him every day and takes care of stuff he needs, etc.

So here’s some facts behind the story…

1. He came out of the closet to my mother when I was 6 months old. Yes folks, my mother married a gay man.
2. He’s walked in and out of my life more times than I can remember.
3. He walked in about 4 months before my big wedding (14 yrs ago). Did what he could to be the center of attention (including making the dj introduce him as father of the bride w/my grandmother BEFORE MY PARENTS were introduced (Grrrr).
4. He walked back out after the wedding.
5. He walked back in a few years later (after my divorce) and showed up at the hospital when I had some “fun” complications after the birth of my son.
6. He’s only seen his grandson maybe 3 times in his 8 years of life.
7. He’s never met his granddaughter.
8. The last time I spoke to him was 4-1/2 years ago. Then my grandmother died, I left messages for him and he never called back.
9. He walked out again.
10. He apparently will never have the chance to walk in again.
11. Oh, and 28 years ago, my mother met and subsequently married the man that I consider to be MY FATHER.

So, yeah, I’m a bit pissed off. Why? Because now he’ll never get to tell me why the FUCK HE KEEPS WALKING OUT.

In the last few months, I’ve come to kind of psycho-analyze myself enough to figure out just why I’m so damned hurt and pissed off that my (former) best friend is/was/has moved away.

It dawned on me that it’s been a recurring theme in my life, thanks to him. She walked out. As all my friends throughout my life, have done. It’s come to be what I expect. I expect Flippy to walk out. Someday, he will. They all do.

So anyways, I talked to “bio” on the phone about 10 days ago. I had to do all the talking, since obviously, he can’t. My grandmother (his mother) said he was happy to hear from me. Well, yippy-freakin-doo-dah. WHY, I haven’t figured out, I felt the need to talk to him, I’ll be damned if I know. Some stupid sense of responsibility I suppose. She says it’s because he’s my parent.

No, grandma, he’s not. Parents do not walk out of their (ONLY) children’s lives. Parents stick around, making sure that kid is ok, etc. etc.

At least MY PARENTS do. I talk to my dad every week or so. He’s the one who walked me down the aisle, with my mother. He’s the one who was there, for everything. The good and the bad. He even represented me in court when I was out of state for my divorce. Parents don’t walk away, even if they don’t agree with what you’re doing. (My parents didn’t think I should get divorced.)

Anyways, so I was the good girl and didn’t tell him what I thought of him, because I figured, another stroke could kill him and I don’t want anyone going to their grave with MY angry words dancing in their heads. The last thing I need is a gay ghost haunting ME.

I wonder if they have prettier sheets than straight ghosts?

Summer hath arrived

Yesterday was the first time since 2003 that we hit 90. That gives you a glimpse of how crappy last summer was.

I think that living in the mountains (or as in our case, a valley surrounded by them), and the general chilliness that pervades, it makes the hot even hotter when it gets here. You can’t keep count watching all the Air conditioners strolling out of Walmart on days like yesterday. People will take ANYTHING, if it’ll keep them cool. They’ll even swim in brown-watered rivers. (yuck).

We went to the beach yesterday, along with 1/2 the known population of Northern NH. It’s a really nice location … at the base of a mountain (so the water is f’n COLD!). Even though we’ve lived here nearly 4 years, the scenery still awes me. If only the job market was better, I might actually ENJOY living here.

Our Day at the Beach

You can see how pretty it is. On the (mowed) ski slopes, there’s a bear that comes out and kinda freaks people out in the late afternoon, though we didn’t see him yesterday. I think we left before his dinnertime.

And yes, can you see what my baby girl was playing with when I came back w/my son from the swimming “area”? A crawfish! She was very gentle with them, but I just couldn’t believe my baby GIRL was doing it lol My son won’t even handle them like that.

Well, my week (actually the last 2 weeks) has been rather interesting, and I’ll try to post about that later. Time for breakfast!

Ok, I did it :D

I brought my pictures to Catamount Arts yesterday. I even told him which end was UP for the reflections picture LOL He asked me what I’d want if someone wanted to buy my pictures. I was floored LOL I said I haven’t got the slightest idea, so he marked that they’d have to contact me. They, of course, take 30%.

So, for my actual real-life friends who live around these parts, there’s even a RECEPTION for the opening of the exhibit on Friday, July 8th from 4-7pm. I’m hoping to be there, though I have no idea who else may be.

Oh, and maybe tonight, I’ll tell you all how I came out to my mother last week LOL

Oops

So, it turns out the photo contest isn’t a contest lol

It’s a Digital Photography “EXHIBIT” That’s ok , though, I like to show off my work anyways, so I’ve had both pictures printed and framed them up and I’m submitting them tonight. They go on exhibit July 1st for the whole month. I’m psyched

reflections

innocence

cleaning house

no no, not LITERALLY. *gasp* What do you take me for, anyways!

No, I cleaned out my blogroll and added some new ones that sure got MY interest (yea, big surprise there). In any case, check them out if they’re not already on YOUR blogroll lol

• sweetness follows
• bliatz
• Life as his
• scrawlings from a submissive mind
• urban stud

Enjoy

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My father’s Day card to Flippy

a lifetime

10 Years Ago, I walked away from a 14 yr relationship and began a new phase.

5 Years Ago, I thought I’d never have another child.

1 Year Ago, I was sinking deeper & deeper into depression.

Yesterday, I celebrated fatherhood.

Today, I will help my son.

Tomorrow, I will lose a friend.

5 Snacks I Enjoy: (pre carb days) doritos, hotwings, poppers, salsa dip, fried mozzarella sandwich thingies my hubby makes

5 Songs I Know all the Words to, Even Without the Music: every Air Supply song & most Kenny Chesney.

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000: College – for me and my kids. Houses – mom, brothers, sister, us. Travel – Hawaii for me, cruise to greenland? for hubby, Disney for kids. Get everything that’s wrong with my body FIXED (ears, knees, back, etc…. not lipo) RETIRE!

5 Locations I`d Like to Run Away To: Hawaii, Cape Cod, MA, Hampton Beach, NH (In the late summer, early fall, when the tourists leave), Charlestown, SC and Charleston, RI.

5 Bad Habits I Have: bite my nails, eat when I’m nervous, lose my temper way too quickly, don’t wear my seat belt, play too many games online.

5 Things I like Doing: bdsm play, graphics design, reading, cooking, gardening.

5 Things I Would Never Wear: bikini, a white wedding dress (again), a tank top, a mini skirt, nothing.

5 T.V. Shows I Like: The Shield, West Wing, Nip/Tuck, 6 Feet Under, Rescue Me

5 Movies I Like: An American President, Dave, Pretty Woman, You’ve Got Mail, Devil’s Advocate

5 Famous People I’d like to Meet: Kenny Chesney, Julia Roberts, Kevin Kline, Robin Williams, John Travolta

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: my kids, photography.

5 Favorite Toys (yeah, I added this one): Birthday paddle, suede flogger, vinyl flogger, cat scratcher, wartenburg wheel.

Now then. 5 people to tag. Tricky…

Suki AND Sanyu, Peg, Wench & Angel.