2005 October « A Kinky Woman’s Guide to the Universe

Archive for October, 2005

timing

A couple of weeks ago, my ex-husband called to let me know that his step father, who had been hospitalized, had taken a turn for the worse. I sent my condolences, but in a few days, he’d seemingly gotten better. I was glad and in a somewhat introspective mood this week, I remembered to pick up a get well card for him, and a “Thinking of you” card for my ex mother-in-law. Like most women around her age, her life has been more difficult as each year seems to claim someone else close to her. This year was no different, and one of their sons (her stepson) died in May. So it was with this in mind that I wrote her a note to go in the card, letting her know that I thought of her often, that the things I learned from her were still with me all these years later, that she still influenced decisions I made, and that I hope she was taking care of herself.

Well, as time would have it, she didn’t get my card until yesterday morning. A few hours after her husband passed away. As soon as he called me to let me know, my mind flashed to my cards and the note I’d written, and thought… Shit! I know I’d said that I hoped he’d recover soon and get back to the business at hand, which is (in my opinion) being an ass. I didn’t say that to her though lol

In any case, a few hours later, he called me back. Did I send his mother a card? Yes… why? He explained that she’d only just gotten it today and that it was very obvious that my note had had an impact on her. In the note, I’d also mentioned that ex-hubby & I had remained friends and that he keeps me apprised of the family’s goings-on. His sister in law, whom had read the note, was really pleased by that, as apparently was his mom. This all made me feel better, because all day I’d hoped I hadn’t made her feel worse, giving her a blast from the past that she simply didn’t *need*.

Last night, he called me again. Every time someone had come to the house yesterday, she’s shown that person the note from me, and remarked ‘Isn’t this nice?’. She told ex-hubby that it had been the first thing she’d read after she woke up and it had brightened her entire day.

I guess those random acts of kindness really do work sometimes.

I doubt I’ll be able to get down to the wake and funeral as we simply don’t have the money for the damned GAS it would take, nor does hubby have any time off from work. But knowing that my note helped her on such a grievous day, has helped me much more than I thought it would. Afterall, I’ve been out of the family for 10 years. Why should she care that I think about her and the things that she passed on to me? I guess she does.

10 years ago this month was when I told her (and the rest of my family) that I was leaving hubby and moving away. She was obviously upset, but told me I had to do what was right for me. She’d lived with his father, who was equally abusive. She knew what I was dealing with. It gave me strength to know that.

I will try to get to see her next weekend. That’s when we’re going down to Rhode Island to see my mother, as she essentially says goodbye to her best friend of 40 years. He’s been diagnosed with yet another form of cancer (he’s been fighting cancer for a couple of years), and has been told there’s really nothing left to do. Another hospital has said well… we can do another round of chemo.. so he’s going to perform one last time. He’s been a singer/entertainer for nearly 40 years, and so this is how he’s choosing to say goodbye. There will be people there from around the country, and there is sure to be standing room only. I’m going to support my mom, as I know just how hard that night will be for her. It sucks to say goodbye.

Add comment October 23, 2005

My hubby needs this

Ok, I don’t mean he’s stupid. He does IT work and the people he has to help are idiots. lol

You have to click on the image to see the text, but it’s hysterical!

Add comment October 18, 2005

Hey Peg, check this out

I’ve found a (new to me) writer that has me kinda hooked. I read this first one in 2 days. I now have to wait until TUESDAY for the damned library to reopen so I can grab the next in her FBI series. Apparently, she also likes to write historical (or in my opinion, hysterical) romance.

http://catherinecoulter.com

Add comment October 16, 2005

A special day!

Today is my little boy’s 9th birthday. I guess I really can’t call him my LITTLE boy anymore, since he’s less than a foot shorter than me now (yeah, I know – it doesn’t take much), and his feet are nearly as big as mine. But it just simply amazes me that he’s grown so much in such a seemingly short time.

Since he rolls his eyes and kinda yawns when I tell him this stuff, I will tell you instead. He was 19 inches long when he was born, so he’s grown 40 inches in these 9 years. He was born under a rather harsh set of circumstances, during an emergency c-section. He was very blue when he was born, but I didn’t get to see him because I was surrounded by incompetant people. His dad got to see him, though, which was bad enough.

He pinked up quickly though, and within 10 mnutes, was in the arms of his dad and then grandmother – both of whom had endured the 21 hour labor with me. They were happy to have him but scared to death that I wasn’t coming back. I can’t imagine how scared they were, but luckily, things went well enough and there I was, saying hello to my baby boy 3 hours after he was born.

Since then, obviously, his life has changed so many times, in so many places. He’s growing, changing. He was a beautiful baby, with all these soft, brown curls, and now he’s a young man – half way to adulthood. The curls are gone, but those soul-deep brown eyes are there. He’s going to be a lady-killer, they all say to me.

I say he already is.

Today is also Sweetest Day. I know, another holiday made up by the card companies, I can hear you saying. But actually, according to Hallmark.com, this is the story behind Sweetest Day.

Sweetest Day – 10/15

Valentine’s Day is a holiday of romantic love, but shouldn’t there be a holiday that celebrates love in general — the love we feel for friends, family, and sometimes just the world around us?

Herbert Birch Kingston, an employee at a Cleveland, Ohio, candy company during the Great Depression, thought there should be. So Mr. Kingston and a few of his friends got together on a Saturday in October and passed out candy and gifts to the city’s orphans, as well as those who were sick or unable to get around. It became an annual tradition known as Sweetest Day, and was simply considered a time to remember others with a kind act. The sort of thing that would make someone say, “That was so sweet of you!” The third Saturday in October was eventually chosen as the day to acknowledge the holiday. And the purpose for Sweetest Day was broadened to include…well, pretty much everyone, from family members, sweethearts, and co-workers to strangers you might encounter in your daily life. Sweetest Day is gaining in popularity every year throughout the United States, although it’s celebrated a little more in certain regions than others. Detroit, Buffalo, and of course Cleveland have more Sweetest Day celebrations than anywhere else in the country, but the holiday is becoming well known all over the country. Hallmark carried on Mr. Kingston’s sweet legacy by making the first Sweetest Day card in the mid 1960s. We’ve been helping people like him spread a little extra sweetness ever since. If you agree that the world could always use a little more sweetness, share Sweetest Day with everyone you know!

AND according to their Sweetest Day name generator, I’m going to sign this

Sugar Pop Sweetie Supreme

Happy Sweetest Day!

Add comment October 15, 2005

Is it just me?

Does anyone else think it’s sad that when a woman’s partner gets quiet or withdraws, the woman automatically assumes it’s something she’s done or said? I wonder if this is just a low self-esteem issue (something I’ve dealt with my entire life) or just a female (I’ve got to take responsibility for everything and everyone) thing.

Just when I’d finally gotten to the point where I felt like the new hubby was here to stay, he started changing. Stopped doing things he’d started doing, like stroking my hair or kissing me madly when he came home. He’d stopped telling me how beautiful I am, how sexy I am.

I thought “shit, what’d I do now?”

THe more that this happened, the more I became convinced that I’d screwed up something, somewhere. Maybe it was because I hadnt’ been meeting him at the door when he came home every day. Maybe it was because I’d been asking him to walk with me every night (or every other night or whatever.) Maybe he’s sick of my “problems” with sex. Maybe maybe maybe.

Now admittedly, my hormones are out of whack. I started on birth control pills this month for the first time since I was 17. It’s been a LONG time. But the RN or whatever the hell she calls herself thought it’d be the best for me, both for the NO-MORE-BABY thing and the “Possible” problems that we thought was going on with me. So I said ok, fine , whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

My hair is falling out. Seriously, you should see my bed. There’s balls of hair – it’s worse than having a cat. And every little change I notice in hubby is magnified 10 fold and I just want to cry. All the damned time.

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 3:45, cold and having to potty. I came back to bed and hubby had moved, so I coudln’t get under the covers. Laying there, cold and alone, I started to ruminate on the things that had happened, changes that had taken place. I was in tears. I was NOT going to lay there in the dark, crying. So I got up, got online and played a couple of games. When I felt drowsy enough, I went back to bed, and hubby started to wake up. I just lay there, looking at him. Maybe he sensed it. I don’t know. But when his alarm went off, he got up and took care of those morning, before work things and came back to bed. He enveloped me and began kissing me, stroking me, holding me. I had never said a word. But somehow, he knew I needed him.

Even while we made love, I was in tears, on the verge of a full-on CRY. It had occurred to me that I’d gone back to feeling lost, and it hurt. Finally, I was able to put that aside and it was a wonderful way to start the day. He really is amazing in bed.

I said to him, when we were through.. “how did you know I needed you?” and he said “I don’t know… I just had this feeling.”

So, he goes to work and I log on, so I can talk to him via IM for a while. We’ve always been able to communicate so much better this way, so I decided to ask him … what have I done? What’s happened?

I knew he might get annoyed with me, asking him questions like that while he’s at work, but I had to know. HAD to. I’m so glad I did!

He responded that it wasn’t me, that I’d been wonderful. He’s been preoccupied for weeks with problems with his family, he said, and it’s taken him away from me because he didnt’ want to drag me down with him.

Yay!

Well, sorta. I know he worries about his family (his parents & brother live in TN, 1000 miles away) and we haven’t seen them in 18 months. His brother’s gotten himself into something, and hubby’s worried he’ll wind up hurt or worse. I explained that we’ve got to share these things, communicate with each other, because otherwise, everything else will fall apart. He agreed, and I felt so MUCH Better.

So I’m back on an even keel, and we’ll work together to figure out family stuff. Phew!

Add comment October 7, 2005