tell me something…

how does someone’s mother tell their child to drop dead?

this recently happened to someone I know, and it’s just boggling my mind.

Giving Thanks

So, I wrote the other day about trying to appreciate what I have instead of what I was missing. Yesterday was a very nice day, with my son finally feeling better (he’s been sick this week), my dinner was perfect and perfectly timed, I was able to keep on track with everything that needed to be done, including washing as I went along. We enjoyed the day and finished it off with a wonderfully sensual bath last night, after the kidlets had gone to bed.

I also managed to burn myself twice, cut myself once and in general, cause mass destruction wherever I went lol

My mom, who sorely misses her parents who have been gone nearly 4 & 5 years , spent the day with her best friend, the one who is dying of cancer. I was glad that she got to spend time with him, because usually, he’s been shunning everyone, preferring to be alone. I’m hoping that spending the time with him left her with less time to reflect on her parents and what has changed in her life. I can only imagine what her pain is like.

My youngest brother turned 24 yesterday. Wednesday would have been my grandfather’s 83rd birthday. At dinner yesterday, my son, when asked what he was grateful for, mentioned that he was grateful he’d gotten to meet “poppy” and that he wished he was here. With that, he started to cry, which surprised me because I didn’t think he’d remember him all that well. But I guess he left a lasting impression, which I’m glad of too. My grandmother, who died nearly 5 years ago, would have been so touched to know that too – she spent her life worrying about how my grandfather treated and was treated by other people. Kind of like me, with my hubby. I don’t have to worry that much anymore, since he’s changed so much, thankfully.

I decided to list those things that I am grateful for, and what better place than to do it here, for all of perpetuity lol

• I am grateful that my children are healthy and happy.
• I am grateful that my hubby is healthy and happy, and that he loves me.
• I am grateful that my health, while not necessarily GOOD, is at least manageable.
• I am grateful to have my parents still living, even if they’re 4 hours away.
• I am grateful that my siblings have all managed to stay out of trouble and out of jail lol
• I am grateful that hubby has a job and that I have enough talent to make some money doing what I enjoy from time to time as well.
• I am grateful for friends, both those I’ve met in person and those I know only by the ‘net, who appreciate me for me, no matter what titles I bestow upon myself.
• I am grateful for 38 years.
• I am grateful for a roof over my head and food to eat, when so many don’t have either.
• I’m grateful for my 64-66 pound weight loss which helps me to continue finally loving myself.
• I am grateful for the traditions instilled by my parents and grandparents and theirs before them, that I am able to pass on to my children.

runnnnnn, turkey, runnnnnnn

So, I know most people love Thanksgiving. For the most part, I do too. But I’ll admit that I’ve been spoiled, in that most of my 38 Thanksgivings have been with my mother, father & siblings. That first started changing 9 years ago, about 6 weeeks after our son had been born. Hubby decided he wanted to go “home” for Thanksgiving, which literally entailed us leaving at 6am on the Wednesday before T-day, and driving for 24 hours straight, interspersed with 45 minute breaks – EVERY 45 MINUTES – to breastfeed my son, in the car. The exhaustion took over and I was positive that at any one of those stops, we were going to be car-jacked, killed, etc. We didn’t have any money for motels, so this was our only option. Tennessee has NEVER seemed so far away.

When we got there, his parents were nothing short of obnoxious, with his mother critiquing everything I did wrong with my baby, including feeding him “too much”. We spent 36 hrs there and then turned right around and came back because hubby had to work Monday morning. By then, baby had an earrache.

That was my first Thanksgiving away from my family, and it was AWFUL. Of course, the fact that she had the turkey cooked and literally cut into bite-sized pieces when we arrived at 6am on Thanksgiving morning, did NOTHING for my sense of tradition, either. Nor did the “buffet” style in which we ate 5 hrs later.

Anyways, I digress.

Since moving up to New Hampshire, a 4 hour drive from My family, we’ve spent (I believe) 3 of those Thanksgivings here, with just us 3, then 4. It’s slowly turned into something not to be dreaded or regretted, but something to look forward to. I still miss my family dreadfully, even though those Thanksgivings weren’t always happiness and light. I’ve made my menu, which is full of carby stuff we’re not supposed to eat, and shopping list and I’m trying to look forward to the day, without too much disappointment in mind.

This year, I’ve instilled some of the history that is Thanksgiving into my son’s learning, and I hope that that helps him recognize how important it is to us. Afterall, he is a descended from both English settlers and American Indians. He was born about 2 hours from the place that they step foot upon their new lives. In past years, he didn’t like the dinner, wanted to go play, etc. (old) Hubby ate and then went back to grousing about how he hasn’t seen his family in so long. So I’m looking forward to this Thanksgiving with my (newish) hubby, better educated son and of course, daughter who does everything with food from eating it to shoving it down into her seat.

So, Happy Thanksgiving to my readers, and a belated one to my Canadian readers. I’m going to guard my 64 lb weight loss against those nasty carbs in my dinner and try to appreciate what I have instead of what I’m missing.

lol ok, enough of these

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 50% Good and 50% Bad Sure you’ve pulled some bad girl stunts in your past. But these days, you’re (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

ooooh, neat

You are Betty Grable The ulitmate girl next door You’re the perfect girl for most guys Pretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real. What Famous Pinup Are You? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

well .. this works out well.

You Are A Woman! Congratulations, you’ve made it to adulthood. You’re emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out. You accept that life is hard – and do your best to keep things upbeat. This makes you the perfect girlfriend… or even wife! Are You a Girl or Woman? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Do you…

I LOVE this organization!. Here’s the idea. You have stuff. Everyone’s got stuff. Stuff they don’t need, but don’t want to throw away cuz it’s still good stuff. But keeping it doesn’t make sense either cuz it’s just clutter. Freecycle it! Freecycle encourages people to recycle all that STUFF to other people who are looking just for that STUFF! (I feel like George Carlin here… my stuff’s not shit – your stuff’s shit.)

Anyways, in the months since I’ve found Freecycle, I’ve gotten a desk, a globe, a lamp, a sofa and an exercise… thingie. All for free. All from people in my surrounding communities that wanted to get rid of their stuff. In return, I’ve also given away a Car, and now am offering other various things that I simply do not need. It felt great to give the car to a family just like us – struggling to get by, their car died, they couldn’t afford to buy another one. With some apparently minor work on the hubby’s part, they had it road-ready in DAYS. I was really happy for them.

So anyways, you should check it out. It’s basically just a huge network of Yahoo groups specifically targeted by geographic area.

Have fun!

Question for the masses #2

Does Drea DeMatteo ever play anything but pathethic, skanky hos?

a meme – how original ;)

1. Were you named after anyone?
Nope, but my sister and neice have MY middle name.

2. When did you last cry?
2 weeks ago.

3. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Hmmm… rare roast beef. Yum

4. What is your most embarrassing CD?
I’m not embarassed by any of my music.

5. Where is your second home?
Rhode Island, where I grew up.

6. Do you trust others too easily?
No, not at all.

7. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I don’t remember any particular favorite

8. Would you bungee jump?
2 words. Hell No.

9. Do you think that you are strong?
Not recently

10. What are your favorite colors?
pink, black, purple

11. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
my lack of self control

12. Who do you miss most?
deceased? My nana. Living? My parents and siblings.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
chicken parm and whole wheat spaghetti

14. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Cotton Candy Pink

15. What is the weather like right now?
40 & overcast

16. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My ex husband

17. Do you wear contacts?
No

18. Last Movie You Watched?
Sideways

19. Favorite Day of the Year?
well, used to be valentine’s day… but now I’m optimistic
I thought this said LEAST favorite day lol – that’d be my answer. My favorite day is a toss-up between mother’s day and Christmas. Again, they didn’t used to, but now I’m optimistic that maybe they won’t be blown off as usual.

20. Where Would You Want to Go on your Next Vacation?
Hawaii

21. Favorite Smells?
Clean bedsheets, the ocean breeze, my daughter’s hair

22. What’s the furthest you’ve been away from home?
Vail, Colorado

Whose next? How about angel, gabby and tracy!

I’m still here … really

I know, I’ve been gone a while. Things just seem to get so weird sometimes.

I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I am in a depression. Why, I have no idea. I mean, things are better than they used to be, that’s for sure. At least in terms of my relationship with my honey. Of course, as a single-income family, we always have money issues and lately, they seem to be glaringly obvious. Maybe it’s because Christmas is right around the corner. I don’t know. I do know that I looked up the “whole body is numb” thing on the net, and all signs seem to point to depression. I also happen to think some of it has to do with my neck being messed up, but until I can get some medical benefits, I can’t do anything about eit.

I’ve lost 59 inches and 59 pounds. A blogging friend of mine suggested that weight loss might have something to do with it as well. I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m sick of not being able to FEEL things. Ladies, you know how when a man runs a light touch down your side, you get goosebumps and your nether-regions respond almost instantaneously? I know it used to for me. Not anymore. Half the time, when he touches me, I have to look to see where his hand is becuase I can’t FEEL it. As a result, nothing he does (well, short of penetration) translates into pleasure. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!

So anyways, we went to RI this weekend to see my family. The trip went very smoothly (knocking on wood), and the weather was nearly perfect. We got to see my mom’s best friend perform one last time to a sold-out audience. ALL my siblings were in attendance as well, which made my mom very very happy. I hadnt’ told her we were coming down until Thursday, so she had no idea. And my oldest brother isn’t exactly known for his reliability when it comes to family, so to see him & his wife show up was a very nice surprise.

My daughter … my beautiful, rambunctious 2-1/2 yr old daughter, decided that just because there was some guy up on stage singing, playing piano and ya know, generally TRYING to maintain his audience, she wanted in on the act. So she danced, she crawled like a dog, she did just about anything she could. It drove me INSANE. But luckily, she didn’t crawl up on stage with him. lol

In the next week, I’ll be putting up a website for this man that has been my mom’s best friend for the better part of 40 years. It amazes me that he doesnt’ have one, and when I realized it, I started on it immediately. He’s recorded 8 or 9 CDs, so I’m putting those on there so his fans can order from the website. I’m putting his health updates, a guestbook, etc. He’s so loved, and when it was announced at the performance, everyone was very enthusiastic. So fi you don’t hear from me much this week, it’s because I’ll be working on that.

And fighting with my piece of shit hosting company that I use despite the fact that their customer service is HORRENDOUS. But hey, how can you argue with $4 a YEAR for hosting.

Sigh.

Oh, I got to see my uncle who was very very badly hurt in a car wreck last year. He was happy to see us. I also finally went to see my ex-mother-in-law. She was … well… I guess it’s hard to describe… but I didn’t get the warm & fuzzies. Oh well, at least I made the effort.

So now I’ll close and thank you for getting this far.