Stirrings

As those of you who follow my blog undoubtedly know, I’ve experienced a sharp decline in ANY kind of sexual feeling, desire, etc. in the last 10 months or so. Somehow, it coincided with the hubby losing his whole flippy persona and becoming or re-becoming the man I needed/wanted him to be. That, in turn, brought huge amounts of hot, steamy, omg sex - which apparently BROKE ME.

In recent weeks, that’s returned - somehow, from whence it came, it has returned with a vengeance (as evidenced here. Needless to say, I’m thrilled. Hubby’s happier too - because we never knew what the hell caused it. I have seen doctors… well, not doctors but a nurse practitioner, who said there was nothing THERE and no real reason for there to be a problem, pain, etc. It was only recently that I talked to another nurse, someone I like and trust enough to really TALK to , that we realized that my cervix has, for whatever reason, dropped and so that’s been causing the pain. Still don’t know what happened to the WANTON DESIRE I had, but perhaps the whole fear of pain (bad pain, not good pain) could have been doing it.

ANYWAYS, the desire’s back. The desire for more than plain old vanilla sex. And, although I’ve described myself as bisexual, I’ve always realized I’m very specifically a SELECTIVE bisexual. I.e. I don’t want every woman I meet. I don’t want MOST women I meet. I play exclusively with women, but truth be told, most of them (not all .. but most) don’t excite me sexually … A few have, though. Of course, doing anything about that has never been a thought in my mind because I have a man at home to take care of those things.

But recently, along with my return of desire, I’ve been thinking about my first real bisexual encounter. She was tall, blonde and turned me on from the moment I laid eyes on her. This had never really happened to me before, and so I went with it! Hubby & I had agreed to play with her together (she’d agreed also, of course), but he mostly sat back and watched , unsure of where he fit in (I learned later). Because she couldn’t be marked much, we didn’t play in that way much, but did retire to a wonderfully comfortable bed where we spent the next several hours exploring and tasting and enjoying each other, with hubby just enhancing all of it wonderfully. It truly was an incredible experience - so much so it literally inspired poetry in me! The softness of her lips, that INCREDIBLE pierced tongue… I never knew my body could react like that!

The next day, my insecurities took hold and I figured she’d only done that because she was trying to please my hubby. I had enjoyed the experience, but figured it was a one-time thing. That evening, though, after a few drinks, we found ourselves upstairs, along, and she took hold of me and made it known that it was *ME* she wanted… asking permission, touching, kissing, holding - too briefly, but such an incredible admission.

Unfortunately, although we did get together once more, life moved into the way and she moved away.

Every woman since then hasn’t held a candle to her. Now, let me stress that it wasn’t her looks - she wasn’t a beauty queen, she wasn’t a skinny Minnie - but she was beautiful inside and as cliche as that sounds, it’s what drew me. I recently came across her address (thanks to hubby) and wrote to her in a pretty card. I hope she responds, as it’ would be nice to reconnect.

Anyways, those stirrings have been very very quiet for several years (6 ) and although there have been women who have picqued my interest, time/life/etc has gotten in the way to prevent things from continuing or starting. Perhaps it’s the pregnancy that’s doing it, but if it is, I want to explore it while I’m still able to (i.e. the desire’s still there) - I’m afraid it’ll go again when the baby’s born. So I figure I have about 20 weeks before I’m too pregnant to bother with LOL

Things like this photo do NOTHING to quell these stirrings, either, dammit.