a (late) ode to grandparents

My mother left my stepfather in the middle of the night. She walked out with us (my 18 month old brother and my 3 yr old self) after instructing me to pick one toy out. She walked out after having found me bleeding from the face after he’d punched me. (I still don’t get how you can punch a 3 yr old). She was 23 yrs old. We lived in Alabama. She had to make her way back to RI with 2 kids and no money.

My grandparents helped her, and eventually, we got Home. We lived with them for the next 10 years. My grandmother worked in a buckle factory. She never made more than $3.65 an hour in her whole life. My grandfather had a lifetime history of heart problems, so he was on disability. He braided my hair, made our lunches, made sure we were dressed properly. He & my grandmother used to crochet afghans. They made my brother & I our own when we were very little (still living in AL) – I still have that afghan and protect it from my own kids grabbing little hands because they love it too. lol

My grandmother use to shield us from the grumpy adults – she was a very soft touch, but didn’t let us get away with much… but ruled with a feather fist lol She’s the one that I treasured most. She’s the one I miss the most. From as far back as I remember, she & my grandfather slept in seperate beds, so when I had a bad dream, I could always go sneak in with her and she’d always welcome me. She was a tiny woman, all of 98 lbs. She used to die her hair red, because my grandfather liked redheads. She wore high heels and beautiful dresses and always the same perfume whenever they went out – she loved to be beautiful for him. Even going to her factory job, she never went without her make up and hair poofed up on top of her head.

My grandfather was blustery and later in life, plagued with health problems. The worse they got, the more miserable he became (I can understand that more now than I did back then), but he was always happy to see me. I was his pride & joy (he always favored girls over boys), and from the time I was 16,wanted to know when I was gonna get married and have babies. My grandmother would tell him to hush and to give me some time. It was one of the happiest days of my life (up until then anyways) when I finally did give them that big, poofy wedding. They both lived long enough to at least see one of my kids born, too. I always wonder what they’d think of my daughter, and the fact that I’m pregnant again, at MY age. When I left my ex, they supported me, knowing I knew what I was doing. They still always considered him their grandson, though, and was always happy to see him.

My grandparents made itpossible for my mother to start a new life, without TOO much hassle… When my mom met the man I consider MY father, and they decided to live together, he moved in with us, too. When they married and we moved out, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for them to adapt to the change. Shortly after that, they moved into an assisted living sort of place (well, it was an elderly housing unit, at least), and my grandmother HATEd it … hated the gossip, hated the old lady clicques… the whole thing. When her illness advanced into it’s harder stages, and my grandfather couldn’t keep her safe, she eventually moved in with my parents (talk about a change of life… ) It was a slow & steady decline for them both… he having strokes and paralysis, cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. She’d fought and beat cancer twice, but it was alzheimers that stole her from us. She died at the beginning of what woud truly be a horrible year for me (2001), and he followed 1 year and 1 week later. I wish they were still here, but I know that when they went, they got to be together again, with their children they’d lost (she’d lost 6 babies), and the families that had gone on before them (they outlived all but one sibling out of 8)… I miss them, and wish they were here to wish them a very happy Grandparents day and to say they couldn’t have been better grandparents ..they were the very best.
When my mom met the man I consider MY father, and they decided to live together, he moved in with us.