balancing act

Every thing in life is a balancing act. I really do believe in karma. For the most part, things happen in equal portions of good and bad. Or not necessarily BAD, but … not good.

Take, for instance, my last posting. I extolled the incredibly wonderful event with my man. I didn’t, however, mention that there were some physical problems that hindered our “lovemaking” (I can never say that word without thinking of some bizarre Will Farrel SNL skit). That was the balance. Yes, he made me feel wonderful emotionally and physically but still, good & not so good collide.

Those problems are ongoing – it’s MY problem, not hubby’s. I’m not sure of the origin, but it bites…. big time. But we’ll get through it, as we always do. It’s terribly frustrating, though, so I come here to write about it, not to necessarily share it with you all, but just to get it out & look at it from perhaps a different perspective.

Believe it or not, not everything that goes on in my life is blogged about…. Good or bad, some things just aren’t worth sharing.

I try to remember that this blog is for *me*, (although I will admit to a small exhibitionist streak in me).   Last week’s entry, however, where I told the world how my man had made me feel… sharing such intimate details worked out well, because it was the way I shared how I felt WITH my man.  I had him read the entry – (he only reads my blog when I ask him to) – and his response was “I did all that?”  He had no idea that the way he responded to me and my post-pregnant body had made my heart and head soar.

It was through this dialogue that I came to find out that my man, my wonderful man, has a really low opinion of himself and his abilities.  He takes responsibility for my physiological problems, and no amount of my objecting to this will appease him.  He takes responsibility for it, blames himself or his “shortcomings”, of which he has none in that department.

As bad as that IS, it’s good in a way that I didn’t know about it before… He’s always joked about things before – his self-deprecation was cute.  He’s by no means… under-endowed, nor does he have a whale dick  LOL  We fit perfectly together, though, and that’s always what’s mattered to me.  I’ve had bigger, and definitely had smaller.  I like his the best.  There, I said it. LOL

But I had no idea that his sense of self-worth was so low. It’s brought a new challenge to my door, but at the very least, it’s one that I can at least handle, grasp and hopefully fix.  Maybe by then, my problems will have found a solution as well?