The Measure of a Man

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Upon my reading of Kristen’s blog entry for yesterday, I found myself still thinking about it after I’d shut my browser, after I’d gone downstairs to start lunch and wash dishes. It stayed on my mind throughout those preparations and that’s when I decided I needed to blog about it.

The above quote kept coming to mind, though I did have to go look up who originally said it. Kristen’s blog posting today got me to thinking about my own man, and how he measures (don’t be a perv!). It’s very true… it’s easy to be the stand-up guy when things are easy. It’s during those hard, stupid, emotional times when it gets tricky – and when the real person behind the machismo and testosterone stands up. It’s that guy, ultimately, that you need in your life. Not the one that says “no, honey, those pants don’t make you look fat” … ok, that one is good too, but you know what I mean.

Anyone who has read my blog for a decent length of time will know that I’ve not always been blessed with that guy. My man hasn’t always been my prince charming – there were times when I blogged about what a selfish, self-absorbed asshole he was. As well, I haven’t always been the wife/mother/spouse I should have been either. Specifically, I think back to yesteryear when I got high-speed cable internet and was on the net CONSTANTLY. I wasn’t Suzy Homemaker, that’s for sure. However, I grew, I changed, I got better. No, I’m not Suzy Homemaker yet, but at least I DO try to keep DHS people away

Somewhere along the way (2 years ago, almost), though, things changed within our relationship and things got better. LOTS better. And I blogged about that too. How he’s changed so much in that time, and continued to grow and change. He was never the type of guy to go out drinking with friends – hell, he hasn’t got any (honestly). But he was never that type. He’s always been family-centered, although his ideas on how to treat a woman were rather skewed. That changed, he now appreciates me and what I do 100% more than he ever did before. But that’s easy when I’m keeping the house clean, the kids fed and him happy. It’s when I can’t or don’t do those things that challenges him, I’m sure. It’s during these last 6 weeks when he purposely did every load of laundry. Even when I told him *I CAN DO THAT*, he did it anyways. Just to help out. It’s when he came home after working 8 hours and then cooked dinner. Because he could, and so I wouldn’t have to. And when I’d protest, he’d say “Your job right now is to take care of him” (meaning baby Zach). While incredibly sexist-sounding, it *is* true. Since I’m the only one who can feed him, and to feed him properly, I need rest, ok – you’re right honey, I’ll do that. And I HAVE. It’s been hard, because I know how hard it is to juggle it all. I’ve been doing it *all* for years. All he’s done when he’s come home was sit at his puter. I’ve cooked, cleaned, etc. and that’s been fine. It gets on my nerves every once in a while, and I feel unappreciated, but I get over it and go on. But to see him doing these things, without the whole martyr thing to go with it, has been really really nice.

So now that things have calmed down and I’m back on my feet and am able to pick up where I left off, he’s still helping. This is the best part of all, because now he doesn’t *have to*, he is anyways. That’s neat. It’s new. I’m LIKING IT!

Does he still drop the ball from time to time though? Hell yeah. We all do. But there’s things that have hurt and will stay hurt. Like last year when his father told me to get the fuck off his property and that I was never to step foot there again… hubby didn’t defend me – hubby didn’t say a damned word. He let his father speak to me like that in front of our children. He let his father call him pussy whipped in front of our children. He also let his father talk to my son like he was shit – blaming my 8 yr old for a perceived slight that had happened 2 years before. This hurt. A LOT. He never spoke to his father about any of this. They just went back to pretending like we’re all just one big happy family. IT was never addressed. He was allowed to do that and nothing was ever said. That hurt.

My main point about this entry was originally to say that he has proven what a man he is during the last 6 weeks. He proves it daily now. Hourly sometimes. Yesterday, willingly taking all three kids at once while I went to a dr. appointment, literally walking the halls with the littlest one (who was hungering for mama) while he waited for another dr. appt. for the baby & then taking them in for that appt.! Tonight, willingly taking all three kids at once while I go to my munch. For changing diapers, and waking up on his own several times a night to check on the sleeping baby, without me even knowing it. For knowing about my blogging & not having a problem w/me venting about him, our life, our kids or whatever. For slowly learning how to handle a weepy, post-partum woman who doesn’t even know why she’s crying.

For being my perfect mate.