life in the slow/fast/slow/fast/slow lane

Whether you’ve noticed or not, I haven’t blogged much.  At least not here. I’ve blogged like a mad woman over at the fam blog.  But I censor myself there, and I don’t have to here.

My relationship with hubby seems to be falling to shit once again.  I’m depressed. I have health issues that I either can’t fix, or can’t afford to fix. I’m angry at the stupid weather.  I’m angry that my 4yr old can piss me off so quickly, and elicit a reaction that she’s obviously yearning for, and I give it to her. 

I was told 2 months ago that I’m depressed, that I can take something to help me get through it – that it probably wouldn’t take long.  But hubby flipped his fucking LID over the idea, and because everything I fucking DO is for him, mostly, I didn’t take them.  He flipped bcause he’s known “people” on antidepressants before, and they were zoned out, made rash decisions, blah blah fucking blah.  Oh, and of course, what’s the effects on our son, whom I’m exclusively breastfeeding?

Oh, I don’t know – maybe the effects of me ALWAYS BEING MISERABLE AND ALWAYS YELLING AT HIS SIBLINGS – that might do something, too.

And I talk to him about it – yes, I most certianly do. Trying to keep those lines of communication open – that’s Me. Ms. Graham fuckin Bell.  And the results?

“Well, I’m depressed too.  We live in a depressed part of the country. I have a dead-end job. We have nothing to look forward to.”

Gee

I’m all warm & fuzzy now.

He can be so close-minded about things, there’s no way in hell I could get him into counseling.  So I say well, research this – figure out where to move where it’s not so damned shitty.

I give him all the fucking power.

I hate that I do this because it looks like FLIPPY is coming back and you know what? I was really starting to dislike him… severely.

It happens when he starts to dislike his job.  Which is, frequently, frequent.  The people are stupid, the boss is stupid, blahblahblah.  He’s doing a job he dislikes to begin with.  Well, guess WHAT?  Shit happens.

sigh

I apparently have a severely infected tooth or teeth that need to come out like YESTERDAY, according to the dentist. The infection could cause nerve damage, they tell me.  The news story tells me it could go to my brain & kill me.  I’m now on antibiotics, but I’m hedging on having them pulled because of the money.  The insurance company has a ONE YEAR waiting period on surgical extractions -which these are because they’re broken off at the gumline – because, you know… I like pain.

yah

And hubby’s idea of us alternating, one week he gets to decide what we’re going to do (in bed), and the next week is my choice… has really turned into a bad idea.  This weekend was my turn, and I felt OBLIGATED to have sex with him – sex during which he only touched me very briefly except for his dick.  Sex that I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  Sex that was so completely unsatisfying … there’s not even a word for.  I felt OBLIGATED.  What the fuck is up with that? 

I just don’t like him right now.

I don’t like me either, just to be fair.

It pisses me off to think I’ll have to wean my son so I can go get a fucking (stupid ass, low-paying retail or tourism) job so he can stay home and play with his dick music all day long.

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this & that (again)

So, last night was the reception for the Photography exhibit that I submitted my photos to.

I’d show you pictures, but then… you know, I’d have to kill you.

Anyways, it was fun. A couple of people complimented me on the photos, but I think that was more because my son was saying “HEY! Look at the pictures MY MOM TOOK!” Who can resist that? LOL

They spelled my last name wrong. Grrr

I’ll get over it. At least they hung the reflection one correctly – it’s rather difficult to figure out if you just glance at it.

I was very happy to note that mine didn’t come off as sub-standard compared to others …well, except for the frames. Cheapo Walmart frames just didn’t do the trick, but hey, it wasn’t winning any awards anyways lol

Since my son has been such a big help in the house this week, I treated him to dinner whever he wanted to go.

WHERE did he want to go?

McDonalds. Gag. Sigh.

Ok, we will go to McGagmes, because I’m SUCH a cool mom. We went, he got his carbful dinner and I got a friggin 3 bites and I’m done side salad. What a joke this place is. I watched Supersize Me this week. It’s amazing how they can just shovel this stuff down people’s throats and people just go back for more. Ick. I couldn’t believe the nutritional information they had for their SALADS. There’s a DAY’S supply of carbs in some of those suckers. No thanks, Ronald. I’ll eat at home, thankyouverymuch.

Anyways, it was a nice night. Flippy stayed home with the baby, mainly because of the fact that he’s a jerk. But hey, I’m used to that.

okok, here’s some other pics Nothing too exciting, I’m afraid.

So THEN, after this and all that, we went to do a little food shopping, and what should my wandering eyes fall upon, but THIS:

Too funny. No, I didn’t buy it, but I thought my kinky friends would enjoy a laugh.

Toodles for tonight.

Bored? Wanna look at nekkid pics? LOL

No, not mine. *shudders*

When the kidlets aren’t watching (if you are in that situation), check out Rate My Nude Photo. We’ve been doing this for ages!

If you’re lucky, you’ll see Flippy *EG*

(Hint: If you sign up with the site (free), you get to do alot more than 10 at a time.)

Enjoy

(PS – Flippy’s driving in his pic… driving a car, you perverts!)

Because everyone likes a

Happy Penis , the Penis Massage Cream (of champions?).

This was one of my purchases when I made the sojourn to our local “sex shop”, which is all of 20′ x 20′ lol It’s pretty cool that you know more about the stuff than the person working there She even asked if I wanted a job there. LOL

I asked the woman working there if she had Boy Butter. She had never heard of it, but suggested Happy Penis. I just can’t pass up something that’s called Happy Penis, now can I? Of course not.

You see, I have to admit a failing of mine here and now, in front of millions (ok, hundred). I’m not very good at the manual operation of a penis. Particularly Flippy’s. And because he always brings me such incredible pleasure, I want to be able to reciprocate. Except I have TMJ, so orally, (at least I feel) subpar. Ok, but I have 2 working hands!

Flippy has never complained. Never. I’m guessing that most men are like that. JUST TOUCH IT is their motto. (Ok, my male readers, help me out here in comments, ok?)

So I’ve come to my male readers to ask for their help. How do you like to be touched? Gently, urgently, switchover? Explain please, for me?

After all… everyone likes a Happy Penis!

3 more weeks till…

omg omg omFG – 3 more weeks till KENNY freakin CHESNEY.

I’m so so so so psyched about this. Can you tell? 3 weeks from RIGHT THIS MINUTE, he’ll be crooning away and I’ll be with my man and my boy, our bodies weary from the 6 hrs we’ve already been sitting in these seats, but I figure around now, he’ll come on and make that all worth it.

Of course, for those of you heathens that aren’t fans, this post will probably mean NOTHING to you, but hey, it’s my freakin blog and I’LL BLOG ABOUT WHAT I WANT!!

Which is to say, of course, Kenny Chesney.

I don’t give a shit if he’s married! It hasn’t stopped me before LOL

Oh, and of course, it’s also 3 weeks till Our 10th Anniversary Boy will HE be in for it that night.

Or he WOULD be if my mother wasn’t going to be sleeping in the same hotel room. ROTFLMAO

Mom’s staying at the hotel with baby girl during the concert. So what am I to do when we are done with the concert? “Ok mom, you can go now” Yeah, ok.

So anyways, Blaine Larson (How Do You Get That Lonely?), Pat Green (Wave On Wave), Gretchen Wilson (Redneck Woman), Uncle Kracker (duets w/Kenny on When the Sun Goes Down), Keith Urban (Days Go By) and of course, Kenny. What a day! What a way to spend a big day

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My father’s Day card to Flippy

It’s getting closerrrrr

So what DO you get a man to celebrate robbing 10 years of his life from him? LOL

When we met, the longest he’d been in a relationship was 3 months. He’d never lived with anyone. He was 31 and living at home, working in a god-awful furniture factory making next to nothing. He was heartbroken by some chick who wasn’t nearly as into him as he was into her. (but she also didn’t mind the free, round-trip ticket and week’s vacation to find that out).

When we met, the longest I’d been in a relationship was 14 years LOL I was divorcing my husband. We’d grown up together (been together since middle school) and had grown apart. (That’s the story I tell everyone anyways.) In actuality, he’d grown violent and I’d grown a sense of SELF (I’d lost 100 lbs) and realized I didn’t HAVE to be treated like that. But I didn’t realize I could be treated differently until I started on the internet.

Yes, boohoo, the internet broke up my bad marriage. I know, I should be on Jerry Springer, huh? (click more.. no really, it’ll work)

Anyways, we met online one night, late. I messaged him because he was one of the few I ever saw on this chat program called Resort that was even close to my age (28 meant social security in those days). We started chatting here and there from time to time in late March, 1995. One night in June, I checked his profile and realized that that night had been his birthday. I msg’d him w/a happy birthday and he was very down. This, apparently, had been the day he found out that this chick he was MAD over had been talkign to other guys, etc etc, after she’d just left Tennessee after visiting him for, what I found out later, was a pretty awful week. He was upset and we talked for a while.

It wasn’t until another 2 weeks that I realized just how “OVER” my marriage was when we went back to the place where we’d honeymooned & anniversaried, with my parents, for the weekend. We did nothing but fight – never even THOUGHT about having sex. On the way home, we stopped for a quick dinner and when I brought his out to the car, he threw it at me.

Well, bye bye asshole! Of course, what was *I* gonna do? Where was *I* gonna go? No one had really seen his shitty behavior except my younger brother & sister, who were like our surrogate kids. And he’d been mean to them. It’d made me realize, though, that I needed space. I needed time.

So, I decided to go meet some of these friends I’d met online. I planned a trip down south. ALONE. My family thought I’d flipped my lid. 10 years ago, meeting people from online was just insane. lol Especially for people not using computers. But my mind was made up. I booked my flights, my car, my hotel. In the intervening 4 weeks, we chatted more and more, getting closer quickly. He was flirty and had the sweetest southern accent. We talked on the phone and talked about meeting. This was supposed to be a “fun” trip. Nothing more.

ha!

Turns out that he, forever known here as Flippy the wonder dolphin, was really HOT LOL

To be continued….